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I would like to note that every pair of [redacted]s are different.

In preparation for the telepathy mini, I attempted to read everyone’s thoughts. This is what resulted.

Letters of Appreciation:
[redacted] would like to thank [redacted] for the lovely tea. They enjoyed it greatly, tea being the only thing anyone would want coming out of their faucets. They had been missing this, and were pleasantly surprised to find that the bathrooms had been made more like the ones at home. Her patience with a screwdriver is much appreciated, as they have tragically failed in emulating her so as to figure out how to make sure the tea stays in the faucets. They applaud her skill, and have kindly extended an invitation to her–to go to war, of course.

[redacted] would like to commend [redacted]’s reminder about the goldfish The branches were so natural, exactly what the front and back doors needed. Including the water was a nice touch, providing enough water to keep the extremely decorative tree parts alive. They didn’t expect such a nice present in return for their gift of negative one container of goldfish.

[redacted] would like to thank her kids in [redacted] for thoughtfully wrapping all her stuff in Saran wrap. She didn’t think they would be so dedicated to her happiness that they would lug the plastic wrap all over Boston. She wants them to know that it really helped her organization to have everything wrapped up, and wonders how they knew that that was exactly what she had been thinking that she needed.

[redacted] is grateful for all the toilet paper from [redacted]. They would like to express their appreciation for the prompt response to their request. They would not dream of being so rude as to ask for their toilet paper in a roll. They know that that would simply be asking too much, and are very happy with what they have. They are glad that they will not lack toilet paper for several days at least.

Additionally [redacted] would like to say that she was touched by the yellow ham left outside her door. It smelled wonderful, and the inclusion of a thoughtfully informative note added just the right touch. She was comforted by the knowledge that she, too, could become a ham just like that when she grew up. [redacted] loved the the yellow paint, it being the best sauce she had ever heard of for food.

[redacted] would like to compliment [redacted] for creating such a delicious looking drink for him. He wants to tell her that his water bottle was the best place possible for this mixture. [redacted] wonders how she knew that he always eats soggy stale cheese crackers with plenty of ginger. He wants [redacted] to know that melted and refrozen ice cream is even better than normal ice cream. [redacted] was extraordinarily disappointed that he did not get a chance to sample this heavenly elixir, because everyone who had smelled agreed it smelled wonderful.

[redacted] is much obliged to [redacted] for their interesting additions to the cookies. The unsolvable knot was much appreciated, as was the charming note complete with skull and crossbones on the outside. The BOO under the lid was simply delightful, creating a nice hint of surprise to go with the cookies.

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Backdate this to 2012

Welcome to election, where we bring you the latest and greatest hits from this years presidential and regional elections.

There is a talented and dedicated video maker out there somewhere who has spliced a video of Mitt clips of Romney arguing with himself. Listen closely and you will hear the excellent decision making abilities of the man that the Republican party actually thinks should be president. It’s new Mitt versus the slightly less new Mitt. I swear, the man changes personalities more often than clothing!
Next up we have the shocking story of a candidate who made actual eye contact with someone from Wall Street. The polls show a dip in popularity following this amazing revelation. The candidate had no previously known ties to Wall Street, so this came as somewhat of a blow to diehard supporters. “I thought he was the real deal! I’m so disappointed that he’s a wall-street-trader-eye-contact-maker-wither.”

After this, we have a criminal lineup of those 47%, those scoundrels that don’t pay taxes! First up is Grandma, who lives off her retirement funds and has no income to speak of. After that we have widdle baby cutsie pie, who isn’t even old enough to legally work. Next up is old uncle Bertie, who can’t walk right after coming back from Nam, and lived off his pension.